Love for other types is a natural thing for humans. Because of love, the sustainability of human's life can be kept. Therefore, Allah Ta'ala made women as world jewelry and pleasure for the inhabitants of heaven. Islam as a perfect religion has also arranged how to channel the nature of love in its Shari'a which is rahmatan lil amin alamin. However, what if love is channeled through ways that are not shar'i? That phenomenon is what hit most young people today. The distribution of their love is usually called dating. Here are some Islamic shari'a reviews regarding courtship.
Islamic Teachings Prohibit Approaching Adultery
Allah Ta'ala said,
ََููุง ุชَْูุฑَุจُูุง ุงูุฒَِّูุง ุฅَُِّูู َูุงَู َูุงุญِุดَุฉً َูุณَุงุกَ ุณَุจًِููุง
"And do not approach adultery; indeed adultery is an abominable act. And a bad way. "(Surah Al Isro '[17]: 32)
In Jalalain's Interpretation it is said that the prohibition in this verse is harder than the words 'Don't do it'. This means that if we approach zina alone it is not permissible, let alone to commit adultery, clearly more forbidden.
Ash Syaukani in Fathul Qodir said, "If an intermediary for something is prohibited, of course the purpose is also haram seen from the purpose of the conversation."
Judging from the words of Ash Syaukani, we can conclude that every path (intermediary) to zina is forbidden. This means looking at, shaking hands, together and other forms of actions carried out with the opposite sex because it is an intermediary to adultery is forbidden.
Islam Is Ordered To Submire Views
Allah commands the Muslims to bow their eyes when they see the opposite sex. Allah Ta'ala said,
ُْูู ِْููู ُุคْู َِِููู َูุบُุถُّูุง ู ِْู ุฃَุจْุตَุงุฑِِูู ْ ََููุญَْูุธُูุง ُูุฑُูุฌَُูู ْ
"Say to men who believe:" Let them bow their eyes and keep their genitals. "(QS. An Nuur [24]: 30)
In the continuation of this verse, Allah also says,
َُْููู ِْููู ُุคْู َِูุงุชِ َูุบْุถُุถَْู ู ِْู ุฃَุจْุตَุงุฑَِِّูู ََููุญَْูุธَْู ُูุฑُูุฌََُّูู
"Say to women who believe:" Let them bow their eyes, and their genitals "(QS. An Nuur [24]: 31)
Ibn Kathir when interpreting the first verse above said, "This verse is the command of Allah Ta'ala to His faithful servants to subdue their views from things that are unlawful. Let them not see except for what is lawful for them to see (i.e. to his wife and mahroma). Let them also subdue the view of things which are unclean. If indeed they suddenly see something that is unlawful by accident, then let them turn their gaze immediately. "
When interpreting the second verse above, Ibn Kathir also said, "The Word of God (which means) 'say to believing women: let them bow their eyes' ie let them subordinate it to what God forbids by seeing other people besides their husbands . Therefore, the majority of scholars argue that it is not permissible for a woman to see another man (other than her husband or mahrom, pen) either with lust and without lust. ... Some other scholars argue that it is permissible to see other men without lust. "
Then what if we accidentally look at the opposite sex?
From Jarir bin Abdillah, he said,
ุณَุฃَْูุชُ ุฑَุณَُูู ุงَِّููู -ุตูู ุงููู ุนููู ูุณูู - ุนَْู َูุธَุฑِ ุงُْููุฌَุงุกَุฉِ َูุฃَู َุฑَِูู ุฃَْู ุฃَุตْุฑَِู ุจَุตَุฑِู.
"I asked the Prophet sallallaahu‘ alaihi wa sallam about a glance (accidentally) a view. Then the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam ordered me so that I immediately turned my eyes away." (Narrated by Muslim no. 5770)
The benefits of bowing down, as Allah says in the letter An Nur verse 30 (which means) "that is more sacred to them" namely by subjecting the view to more cleansing the heart and safeguarding the religion of those who believe. This is what Ibn Kathir said - may Allah bless him - when interpreting this verse. - May we be facilitated by God to subdue our views so that our hearts and religions are always preserved -
Allah instructs women to close their nakedness
Allah Ta'ala said,
ูุง ุฃููุง ุงููุจู ูู ูุฃุฒูุงุฌู ูุจูุงุชู ููุณุงุก ุงูู ุคู ููู ูุฏููู ุนูููู ู ู ุฌูุงุจูุจูู ุฐูู ุฃุฏูู ุฃู ูุนุฑูู ููุง ูุคุฐูู ููุงู ุงููู ุบููุฑุง ุฑุญูู ุง
"O Prophet, say to your wives, your daughters and the wives of your people:" Let them extend their headscarves throughout their bodies ". That is so that they are easier to recognize, so they are not disturbed. And Allah is Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Surah Al-Ahzab [33]: 59)
َُْููู ِْููู ُุคْู َِูุงุชِ َูุบْุถُุถَْู ู ِْู ุฃَุจْุตَุงุฑَِِّูู ََููุญَْูุธَْู ُูุฑُูุฌََُّูู ََููุง ُูุจْุฏَِูู ุฒَِููุชََُّูู ุฅَِّูุง ู َุง ุธََูุฑَ ู َِْููุง
"Say to women who believe:" Let them hold their eyes, and their genitals, and let them not show their jewelry, except those (ordinary) that appear from them. "(Surat an-Nuur [24]: 31).
Based on the interpretation of Ibn Abbas, Ibn Umar, and Atho 'bin Abi Robbah that which can be revealed is the face and both palms. (See Al Mar’ah Al Muslimah Hijab, Amr Abdul Mun'im Salim)
Islam forbids associating with the opposite sex
From Ibn Abbas, the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said,
ูุงَ َูุฎََُّْููู ุฑَุฌٌُู ุจِุงู ْุฑَุฃَุฉٍ ุฅِูุงَّ ู َุนَ ุฐِู ู َุญْุฑَู ٍ
"Do not let a man be alone with a woman except with her mahrom." (Narrated by Bukhari, no. 5233)
The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said,
ุฃَูุงَ ูุงَ َูุฎََُّْููู ุฑَุฌٌُู ุจِุงู ْุฑَุฃَุฉٍ ูุงَ ุชَุญُِّู َُูู ، َูุฅَِّู ุซَุงِูุซَُูู َุง ุงูุดَّْูุทَุงُู ، ุฅِูุงَّ ู َุญْุฑَู ٍ
"Let no man be alone with a woman who is not lawful for him because in fact Shaytan is the third person between them except when with his mahrom. (Narrated by Ahmad no. 15734. Syaikh Syu'aib Al Arnauth says this hadith is shohih ligoirihi)
Handshake with Opponents of the Type Including Prohibited
From Abu Hurairah radhiyallahu ‘anhu, the Prophet sallallaahu‘ alaihi wa sallam said,
ูุชุจ ุนูู ุงุจู ุขุฏู ูุตูุจู ู ู ุงูุฒูู ู ุฏุฑู ุฐูู ูุง ู ุญุงูุฉ ูุงูุนููุงู ุฒูุงูู ุง ุงููุธุฑ ูุงูุฃุฐูุงู ุฒูุงูู ุง ุงูุงุณุชู ุงุน ูุงููุณุงู ุฒูุงู ุงูููุงู ูุงููุฏ ุฒูุงูุง ุงูุจุทุด ูุงูุฑุฌู ุฒูุงูุง ุงูุฎุทุง ูุงูููุจ ูููู ููุชู ูู ููุตุฏู ุฐูู ุงููุฑุฌ ูููุฐุจู
"Every child of Adam was destined for a part to commit adultery and this is something that is certain to happen, cannot or not. Adultery of the two eyes is to see. Adultery both ears by hearing. Oral adultery is by speaking. Adultery of the hand is by touching (touching). Zina foot is to step. Adultery is by wanting and dreaming. Then genitals will later justify or deny that. "(Narrated by Muslim no. 6925)
Imam Nawawi - a great scholar of Syafi'iyyah- said,
"The meaning of this hadith is that the son of Adam has been assigned a part to commit adultery. Among them there is a form of adultery in essence that is to enter the genitals to the unclean genitals. Besides that there is also adultery in the form of symbolic (majas) that is by seeing something that is haram, hearing things of adultery and relating to the results; or also by touching the ajnabiyah woman (a woman who is not a wife and not mahrom) with her hand or kissing it; or also walking with his feet to adultery, looking, touching, or speaking that is unclean with a woman ajnabiyah and various examples such as this; you can also imagine in your heart. All of this is a kind of symbolic adultery (majas). Then the genitals later will justify the actions or deny them. This means that there is adultery which is intrinsic in form, namely adultery with genitals and some are not essential by not inserting the genitals on the genitals, or which approach this. Wallahu a'lam "(Syarh An Nawawi‘ Muslim style)
If we look at the hadith above, touching the opposite sex - who is not a wife or mahrom - is termed adultery. This means touching the opposite sex is an illegitimate act because based on the method of ushul ‘if something is called something else that is unclean, then it shows that the act is haram." (See Taysir Ilmi Ushul Fiqh, Abdullah bin Yusuf Al Juda'i)
Reviewing courtship phenomena
After our explanation above, if we review the current dating phenomenon, there must be acts that are prohibited above. We can see that the form of courtship can approach adultery. Initially begins with an eye view first. Then that view settles in the heart. Then the desire arose to walk together. Then dare to be alone in a quiet place. After that touch with a partner. Then followed by a kiss. Finally, as proof of love is proven by adultery. –Naudzu billahi min dzalik-. Then which door is the widest and closest to the adultery room beyond the courtship door ?!
Could there be Islamic courtship? Really, dating that is done now even those labeled with 'Islamic courtship' is impossible to avoid the above restrictions. Meditate on this!
Impossible There Is Islamic Dating
One of the leading dai was once asked, "By the way, my father and mother, I mean before marriage, did you have time to date?"
Diplomatically, the dai replied, "What kind of courtship were you first? We used to be dating too, but dating in an Islamic way. How do you do it? We also often take a walk to the recreation area, but never cuddle together. We also have never done anything like that, no kiss, hug, especially –wal ‘iyyadzubillah-berzina.
The nuances of thinking like that, it seems that not only belongs to the dai. Many Muslims still hold the view that courtship is legitimate, as long as they maintain their own selves. The phrase is like a sentence, "Bathe may, as long as you don't get wet." The phrase whose essence is intangible. Because dating itself, in whatever sense people understand today, is not justified in Islam. Except if you just do nadzar (see your future wife before marriage, accompanied by his mahram), it is considered as dating. Or at least, termed that. But that really is a confusion of terms. The term dating has been understood as a more intimate relationship between lovers, which is applied by going out together, traveling, exchanging letters, having fun texting, and various other things, which are clearly inserted by many illicit things, such as views haram, illicit shadow, and many other things that are contrary to the Shari'a. If then there is an Islamic dating term, it is the same as forcing the term, not Islamic liquor. Maybe, because the liquor is dead inside the mosque. Or Islamic adultery, Islamic gambling, and the like. Even if there are certain activities that are halal, then in the labeling of the names of these illicit acts, it is clearly neglected to be forced, and not at all useful. (Taken from the Asmara Sutra book, Ust Abu Umar Basyir)
Courtship Affects Love to God
Ibnul Qayyim explained,
"If the person who was hit by romance was told to choose between the love of his idol and God's favor, surely he would choose the first one. He also missed the encounter with his lover more than meeting God Almighty. More than that, his wish to always be close to his lover, more than his desire to be close to God ".
The Best Dating Is After Marriage
Perfect Islam has arranged relations with the opposite sex. This relationship has been arranged in the holy Shari'a, namely marriage. Correct marriage in Islam is also not what begins with courtship, but by knowing the character of the prospective partner without violating the Shari'a. Through this marriage, essential love will be felt and different from going out, whose love is just love.
From Ibn Abbas, the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said,
َูู ْ َูุฑَ ِْููู ُุชَุญَุงุจَِّْูู ู ِุซَْู ุงَِّูููุงุญِ
"We have never known a solution for two people who love each other such as marriage." (Narrated by Ibn Majah no. 1920. Shohih said by Syaikh Al Albani)
If you are not able to get married, hold yourself fast. Rasulullah shallalahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said,
ู ู ุงุณุชุทุงุน ุงูุจุงุกุฉ ูููุชุฒูุฌ, ูุฅูู ุฃุบุถ ููุจุตุฑ ูุฃุญุตู ูููุฑุฌ, ูู ู ูู ูุณุชุทุน ูุนููู ุจุงูุตูู , ูุฅูู ูู ูุฌุงุก
"Whoever is able to get married, then marry. Because it will lower your eyes and keep your genitals more. Whoever has not been able to, then fast because fasting is like castration. "(Narrated by Bukhari and Muslim)
Ibnul Qayyim said, "Intimate relationships without marriage are haram and damaging to love, even the love between them will end with mutual hatred and hostility, because if both of them have felt the delicacy and taste of love, there can be no other desires that have not been obtained. "
True love will be found in marriage based on love for Him.
Hopefully God makes it easy for all of us to carry out His commands and stay away from His prohibitions. Allahumma inna nas’aluka 'ilman nafi'a wa rizqon thoyyiban wa' practice mutaqobbbalan.